You can click the "Random" button at the top to get a new random script. The URL to this page will always produce the same script, so you can share this link.
TNG Randomly Generated Episode
Rascals TEASER LOCATION--Bridge RIKER Respectfully, if she'll feel the same way. WORF Sorry, Captain Maxwell is hailing us. They will care for you. RIKER That could have but they're not supposed to verify its authenticity, and one hundred more. You? Tongue-tied? O'BRIEN [OC] Stand by, Commander. LOCATION--Shuttlecraft RO Exactly what I was seven years old I was ashamed of being Bajoran. A Starfleet Admiral presented me with eyes I'd rather be alone. PICARD Look Corey, that he was killed. I'll be beaming down in that course, Ensign. Come on, Number One. Brinksmanship is a lot to talk to Noor. Perhaps, Data. Procedures require that we build atmospheric condensers which could extract water from the Tsiolkovsky, then we can disconnect him? COMPUTER Priority clearance recognition Alpha One. LOCATION--Bridge RIKER I was raised outdoors. I'm being pulled in? O'BRIEN [OC] Aye, sir. LOCATION--Transporter room O'BRIEN A figure of speech. I can't be surprised if he RIKER [OC] Proceed, Shuttle One. LOCATION--Bridge RIKER Come in. LOCATION--Transporter room O'BRIEN Sure. I'm deactivating it. LOCATION--Bridge O'BRIEN [OC] Give us a minute, Captain. LOCATION--Transporter room ANNOTATION Four children dressed the same as the shuttle occupants appear. The tall skinny youth in Starfleet uniform, with a healthy crop of hair, speaks PICARD JR I need to see him right now. ANNOTATION he stops, startled by his own high-pitched voice, and looks at his diminutive companions. Gulp. LOCATION--Sickbay CRUSHER The containers you were going to be fine. Felicium's a parasite at work. TROI How much time do we have to muddle through and do the rest. Thanks. PICARD JR Excellent. Ready? Make it so. RIKER The transfer of all? CRUSHER He has cell damage to his last physical. There should be going back to Sickbay. RIKER Oh, Amanda. You're leaving the Enterprise. PICARD JR What happened to the Academy again feels like looking backward. CRUSHER This is all this flotsam to the Altine Conference. I want to be a coalescent organism? PICARD JR We can't really take myself seriously like this. Counsellor, if I have to speak to my tailor, but otherwise I'm well, thank you. ANNOTATION Riker and Picard leave RO JR About fifty metres. Don't tell me you're tired. GUINAN JR I haven't been young for a minute. We're children. RO JR Great. Just what I want to go to my quarters and contemplate my situation, that does not mean that I am pouting. GUINAN JR Yeah I can't act as if we were still adults. RO JR Here. GUINAN JR What about now? You're not in that camp anymore. RO JR Enjoy what? Where did you get the idea that being short and awkward is some kind of glorious second childhood, Guinan. Our bodies have been violated, changed. Doesn't that bother you? LOCATION--Turbolift PICARD JR I need to regain control of the command functions. LOCATION--Bridge PICARD JR Excellent. Ready? Make it so. ANNOTATION everyone just stares PICARD JR Command lockout has been released. Accessing transporter. Weapons deactivation programme is in place. Transporter security field standing by. We'll leave a class four probe behind to study the energy field. ANNOTATION Riker gives a nod WORF Captain, they have overcome that deficiency. The gik'tal. PICARD JR I see that Ligos Seven is prone to periodic volcanic activity. Perhaps the planet has entered an active phase. DATA My thoughts are not surprising. PICARD JR What do you suggest we do? CRUSHER Sore doesn't mean you shouldn't feel any pain. When I was thirteen. (Picard jerks) Again. PICARD JR Thank you. It looks like they're keeping all the children on board the ship. We could use the element of surprise to give us a tactical advantage. LOCATION--Ready room PICARD JR Let me go! CRUSHER So was I. Isn't there. PICARD JR They're okay too. But you see no evidence of that. CRUSHER It might pass for a few. PICARD JR Excellent. Ready? Make it so. CRUSHER He risked his life. PICARD JR Command lockout has been released. Accessing transporter. Weapons deactivation programme is in place. Transporter security field standing by. We should have access very soon. CRUSHER That slave trader who calls himself an ambassador, he's my smallest patient doing? PICARD JR Command lockout has been released. Accessing transporter. Weapons deactivation programme is in place. Transporter security field standing by. We're ready. CRUSHER Engage. (they embrace, then we pass out. PICARD JR No, I would not. Computer, display interior security grid. CRUSHER I'm walking up to him. PICARD JR Thanks, Number One? CRUSHER They all do. The pain, the pattern was lost. LOCATION--Bridge PICARD JR : I've spent thirty years of my life aboard starships I'm well, thank you. RIKER What is this. Soren! LOCATION--Corridor RO JR It's my turn, isn't it? GUINAN JR Okay, okay. RO JR Guinan. GUINAN JR We look like children. RO JR So what the hell am I supposed to do now? GUINAN JR Were you this much fun when you were a jumper. You can barely resist the urge to leap up and down on furniture all the time. RO JR Look, it was a long, depressing period of my life and I was in a refugee camp. Fun wasn't exactly in my vocabulary. GUINAN JR Okay, okay. RO JR It's my mother. The Ferengi have taken control of main Engineering and decks twenty three through thirty seven. GUINAN JR I'm not as young as I used to be. LOCATION--O'Brien quarters ANNOTATION Keiko wants the mister from an upper shelf, and has to stand on a box to get it before she can spray the orchid O'BRIEN It's masking her signal. KEIKO JR I'll get it. Two coffees. One double sweet. O'BRIEN Just talk with her for a picnic, sir. KEIKO JR I'd say we're ready. Have you figured out how to get to the Bridge? O'BRIEN More security! More security! KEIKO JR How? O'BRIEN No uncloaked ships within sensor range. We will not allow us to just cut you loose and leave? ANNOTATION She snuggles up to his and he gets up and walks away KEIKO JR Technically? O'BRIEN Freighters, transports, all right. KEIKO JR In primary care on deck fourteen. O'BRIEN Transport complete. KEIKO JR Miles. O'BRIEN (sings) The minstrel boy to the surface. But if you will find him. We can do, sir. KEIKO JR Captain, do you know what they've done with the younger children? With my little girl? O'BRIEN Oh? KEIKO JR Technically? O'BRIEN Ghost stories. KEIKO JR I'd say we're ready. Have you figured out how to get to the Bridge? MOLLY [OC] Mommy? Mommy. LOCATION--Molly's bedroom O'BRIEN I have. MOLLY Not you. I want Mommy to read me a story. KEIKO JR Technically? MOLLY Not you. I want Mommy to read me a story. ANNOTATION Keiko leaves O'BRIEN We're dealing with an extremely narrow access point. LOCATION--O'Brien quarters O'BRIEN Sir, Captain. KEIKO JR Technically? O'BRIEN I just woke up, sir. He's reactivating the site to site transport interlocks. First Officer's log, supplemental. The Enterprise has reached the Ligos system, and we have begun to search for the missing Federation science team. Doctor Crusher reports no progress on a cure for the members of the shuttle crew. [Picard's quarters] (Picard is enjoying running his fingers through his hair again, and puts on the jacket when the doorbell rings) PICARD JR Excellent. Ready? Make it so. TROI Those stairs are where we should accept her claim at face value, but really, but I think you should think about when you're insatiable. PICARD JR That's all of them except for the two on the kid's computer in schoolroom eight? We just want to play a few games. TROI I knew you'd think about when you chose that name. PICARD JR Delete audio. All right, this'll have to do until then? TROI The Betazoid brain has a triple redundant bypass. Which could mean they can shield their thoughts and shifting passions of the highest ranking members of the effects that sounds have on people, the night she died. It is our engine status, Ensign? PICARD JR I need to see my father. TROI How are you? PICARD JR I need to see him right now. TROI Sore? PICARD JR Mister Data is finished take us to Ligos at warp eight. TROI It's ridiculous, and four honourable mentions. PICARD JR Thank you. It's just so ridiculous. I can't just stay here while our ship is being commandeered. TROI You are being taken apart molecule by molecule. Reg, you reacted with intense emotion. When he confronts it, but this is Riker. You brought me with you? LOCATION--Crusher's office CRUSHER You and every other member of the night. RIKER They never seem to be on this moon for long. CRUSHER That is a possibility. The Captain is a page from the field and post security around his door before I'd like you have to dream in the isocortex are still Jean-Luc Picard. Can you do. RIKER Two kilometres north of the real blades. CRUSHER Who's that smell. That could help us RIKER Reduce life support. But there should still be able to let go of the Captain I know. Could she be an answer. CRUSHER Welcome to the future of a servo malfunction but my scans came out negative. So who are hopelessly ill. RIKER Aye, sir, I should take the weapons offline. Supplement with auxiliary power only. All efforts to exit have failed. CRUSHER That's true. RIKER We have an engine's down on the ship's matter-energy phasing rate should be there. CRUSHER Well at least. Stefan became an artist, very faint and fading. RIKER Let's do it. LOCATION--Shuttlebay two LAFORGE What is it, people! Let's take a look at those Ktarian antiques. I can't track him, but my mother's ship, Captain. O'BRIEN Ready, sir. LAFORGE How did we miss the connection between the computer core. I'll be on the other kids. O'BRIEN Come on, it's a completely improper procedure. You'll love it, Commander. LAFORGE I don't know, Dirgo had his manoeuvring thrusters rigged a funny way. Can I go now, Data. ANNOTATION Geordi crumbles it into dust LAFORGE Thanks, Reg. O'BRIEN Yes, sir. LAFORGE Hello, Doctor. Two percent negative. That might tell us something. You can take her back with my blessings. Go ahead, call me when I came in here. LOCATION--Ro's quarters GUINAN JR You're not supposed to do anything about it. RO JR About fifty metres. Don't tell me you're tired. GUINAN JR : How much farther do we have to go? RO JR Oh yeah? I can jump higher. GUINAN JR Yeah I can see it in your eyes. You know, someone who jumped up and down on furniture all the time. RO JR Guinan. GUINAN JR There must've been some part of childhood that you didn't loathe. RO JR Great. Just what I want to go to my quarters and contemplate my situation, that does not mean that I am pouting. GUINAN JR What about now? You're it! RO JR Enjoy what? Where did you get the idea that being short and awkward is some kind of wonderful gift? GUINAN JR I bet you were a kid? RO JR It's not quite as bad as I remembered it. GUINAN JR Ah but you did have one sometimes and I intend to enjoy every minute of it. RO JR Enjoy what? Where did you get the idea that being short and awkward is some kind of wonderful gift? GUINAN JR Sure it bothers me, but at the moment I can see it in your eyes. You don't you dare join me, but at the moment I can't act as if we were still adults. RO JR It's my mother. The Ferengi have taken control of main Engineering and decks twenty three through thirty seven. GUINAN JR Ah but you did have one sometimes and I intend to enjoy every minute of it. ANNOTATION Guinan bounces on the bed RO JR Would you rather be playing with dolls? GUINAN JR I bet you were a jumper. A jumper. A jumper. A jumper. You know, bam! They're bouncing on the bed. RO JR It's not quite as bad as I remembered it. LOCATION--Engineering LAFORGE Hang on a course to three point zero zero four three nine. O'BRIEN Energising. CRUSHER All right. What are they? Your scientists have forgotten how everything works. LAFORGE I guess I'd gone down. No wonder we're going to be able to see. RIKER Yes, sir. CRUSHER Estimated time to convince you. WORF [OC] Acknowledged. RIKER Riker here. WORF [OC] We are approaching asteroid gamma six zero one, sir. RIKER You needed me, don't do it now. My people won't cause you any idea what caused it. LOCATION--Bridge RIKER Sending Hugh back to the Enterprise, sir. We have children. DATA Unknown. RIKER Yes, but your smell, your response time. DATA Sir, the Prytt have no idea what it proposes. RIKER Oh? WORF Open. ANNOTATION which promptly start firing at the Enterprise RIKER These mission details could have appeared on Earth as humans. ANNOTATION Young Picard rushes out of his quarters at the Red alert RIKER You need rest, Commander, your files they say you're carrying magnesite ore. WORF Will you grant my leave, Captain. Another hit and we will be ready to get an early start tomorrow. RIKER How did this thing get aboard the Enterprise goes with Geordi, what were you looking for. WORF Sir, the Ferengi. RIKER Commander Shelby, you're hearing it. The thought of the advantages of being in Starfleet listings? DATA Long range sensors indicate that the Ventaxians did have an off switch Doctor, but WORF No warp drive. Minimal weaponry. RIKER Wouldn't a hero and neither were you doing? WORF Recommend we raise shields. ANNOTATION the ship takes more hits WORF Thinking about what it means to be said. DATA The internal scans were negative. There's limited information available on Starbase? RIKER So long, it will be based on it. I was there. They've taken me for something. LOCATION--Engineering LAFORGE Right. And I can't be such a dump began, sir? LOCATION--Bridge LAFORGE [OC] Warp power at your discretion, Captain? WORF Are you all right. DATA I am the only model available, Admiral, when necessary. LOCATION--Corridor ANNOTATION Young Picard gets to a turbolift, and meets an armed Ferengi stepping out FERENGI Come on, get up there. Up, up. LOCATION--Bridge RIKER I wasn't I an honourable way for years. That would be too late. For instance, I've notified Starfleet that our normal routine. Hold present position. ANNOTATION two Ferengi beam in BERIK They have locked out the command functions. ANNOTATION Worf fires, and gets shot for his trouble RIKER Then what's going to discuss this further with you later. Right now we'll silence Sousa if he's imaginative. Apparently the storm. It was the Darwin Genetic Research Station on Gagarin Four three days, I want you back, Geordi. COMPUTER Select either visual interactive or verbal interactive. ANNOTATION two more Ferengi enter MORTA You said they would not have time. LOCATION--Transporter room ANNOTATION O'Brien is under armed guard as Geordi and others are lead in FERENGI Come on, get up there. Up, up. LOCATION--Bridge BERIK Go back inside. MORTA You dare to blame me! BERIK What do you want? MORTA My incompetence? DaiMon, you know that I am ANNOTATION an older Ferengi enters BERIK You led the assault team. You were too slow. MORTA This is Morta. We have secured the Bridge. Begin transporting all able-bodied adults to the surface. LURIN Come in. RIKER Very charming. It's almost time. LURIN We Ferengi do not bring our offspring along with us aboard ship. LOCATION--School room ANNOTATION Picard is thrown into the room, and the children are left unguarded PICARD JR Excellent. Ready? Make it so. RO JR Fun is being back at work in my own uniform. PICARD JR I see that Ligos Seven is prone to periodic volcanic activity. Perhaps the planet has entered an active phase. KEIKO JR I'll get it. Two coffees. One double sweet. PICARD JR Delete audio. All right. Let's talk. Are you here to relieve me of duty? KEIKO JR In primary care on deck fourteen. PICARD JR Very well. Ensign, as soon as Mister Data, have you secured all of the command functions. RO JR That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Most of the time I didn't even have a bed. PICARD JR I realise how unusual this must seem. My judgement, my mental capacities are all intact. RO JR I did all of them. PICARD JR Mister Worf. Prepare to launch a class four probe to study the energy field. GUINAN JR You were a jumper all right. Let's go play. PICARD JR That's all of them except for the two on the kid's computer in schoolroom eight? We just want to play a few games. GUINAN JR I'm not suggesting that we do. But we can't act as if we were still adults. PICARD JR I'll just have to speak to my tailor, but I've spent my life looking forward. Going to the Academy again feels like looking backward. GUINAN JR I haven't been young for a minute. We're children. LOCATION--Ready room RIKER From the sound of it the mind-meld was a running firefight all the time in my head and then gone the next logical step. Start with the game. LURIN Come in. RIKER You don't want those deaths on my conscience. LURIN Come in. RIKER Even for your review. I wonder if we discuss changes in procedure before you know the Captain looking forward to reading your report. Fan out. We know you're here to establish that there is no way to save her yourself, you have means of pursuit? LURIN I understand your son was here to see you. RIKER Why do they want to go. A Federation Medical transport was recently lost in that room. LURIN I understand your son was here to see you. RIKER How can the Federation linguistic banks. LURIN I think that the mines on Ligos Seven can be very hazardous. Now, how many people on your ship, beginning with yours. LOCATION--School room ANNOTATION the classroom seven computer interface is a talking fish with a male voice COMPUTER Negative. PICARD JR She's probably still there with the rest of the shuttle debris? COMPUTER Insufficient signal strength. PICARD JR All right. Let me know as soon as Mister Data is finished take us to Ligos at warp eight. COMPUTER No subspace projections present. No interferometric patterns present. No interferometric patterns present. GUINAN JR I bet you were a jumper. A jumper. A jumper. A jumper. You can barely resist the urge to leap up and down on furniture all the time. COMPUTER The universe is a Galaxy-class starship. Do you wish to leave the holodeck and re-enter, or continue from this substance. PICARD JR We can't really take myself seriously like this. Counsellor, if I have to assume they've also taken the Bridge. ANNOTATION Ro and Keiko take the hatch off the crawlway RO JR I most certainly did not. PICARD JR I'll have to stay here while our ship is being commandeered. ANNOTATION Ro and Guinan crawl in, then Picard's leg is hit by a large radio-controlled toy vehicle PICARD No. Just a moment? ALEXANDER Well I don't know. PICARD JR What do you suggest we do? ALEXANDER Why was Kahless so mad about the lie his brother because he didn't know how. PICARD JR Can't you just turn on the Bridge. ANNOTATION he puts it in the crawlway PICARD I've thought about it? ANNOTATION Keiko enters the crawlway and Picard follows LOCATION--Transporter room ANNOTATION the toy runs into the room, bumps against the Ferengi's foot, then leaves again. The Ferengi follows it LOCATION--Corridor ANNOTATION Picard and Keiko see the Ferengi leave, and go into the transporter room LOCATION--Transporter room KEIKO JR In primary care on deck fourteen. ANNOTATION the pair leave just before the Ferengi comes back round the corner carrying the toy and tries to make it work LOCATION--Jefferies tube RO JR I most certainly did not. GUINAN JR Oh yeah, oh yeah RO JR We could flood the ship with anesthizine gas. GUINAN JR Sure it bothers me, Ro Laren. You can barely resist the urge to leap up and down on furniture all the time. LOCATION--Crusher's office ANNOTATION Alexander knocks on the glass and runs away. The Ferengi gives chase LOCATION--Sickbay ANNOTATION Alexander gets some hypos from a drawer LOCATION--Jefferies tube ANNOTATION the girls climb down a short ladder RO JR It's my turn, isn't some kind of wonderful gift? LOCATION--School room ANNOTATION Alexander returns PICARD JR Come. ALEXANDER You told me that yesterday, not today! PICARD JR Command lockout has been released. Accessing transporter. Weapons deactivation programme is in place. Transporter security field standing by. We need to regain control of the command functions. KEIKO JR Beverly said it's actually closer to twelve. PICARD JR But you and Ensign Ro will still have to do. None of the science team on Ligos Seven. We're ready. LOCATION--Corridor BERIK What do you want? PICARD JR Excellent. Ready? Make it so. BERIK We have secured the ship, DaiMon, but Morta's incompetence has denied us access to PICARD JR She's probably still there with the rest of the games are working. BERIK What do you want? PICARD JR It would give me a chance to take up Doctor Langford's offer and accompany her to the surface. It's just so ridiculous. I assure you I am still Jean-Luc Picard. My appearance is the result of an accident, involving myself and three other crew members, the effects of which Doctor Crusher can't afford to stay this way, nobody's going to take me seriously, are they? BERIK They have locked out the command functions. LOCATION--Observation lounge PICARD JR I need to see my father! BERIK Do not argue with me. Go back inside. RIKER The joke is you. PICARD JR Very good. ANNOTATION and throws his arms around Riker's waist RIKER If you don't blame you. PICARD JR Computer, display interior security grid. RIKER They are reasonable people, they would. I've still got twenty two percent. PICARD JR : I'm afraid I can't just stay here while our ship is being commandeered. RIKER Captain, Data? PICARD JR Report? RIKER The Sheliak may interpret that as a war. PICARD JR They're okay too. But RIKER Looks like it's worth a try. PICARD JR I'm not about to sit behind a desk now. LOCATION--School room CHILD Here they come. KEIKO JR So what is the point? Is our marriage over? PICARD JR Agreed. They might think they don't need as much of their crew to hold the ship. Where was your daughter? LOCATION--Ready room LURIN Come in. LURIN We Ferengi do not bring our offspring along with us aboard ship. RIKER I wonder if he was joking. You're ten years older. A Klingon does not put his desires above those of his crew. They're still trying to get more insight into what happened twelve years, you've reached a conclusion, you will stay on board, we share the responsibilities and the soul in my night. Would you like. You can't. LURIN You will cooperate with our salvage operations or we will begin executing your crew. RIKER Lwaxana, don't yet alive at that. Unless. LURIN You will cooperate with our salvage operations or we will begin executing your crew will greatly speed up the process. As for your ship, beginning with yours. RIKER I hope that's going on down there? LURIN We Ferengi do not bring our offspring along with us aboard ship. RIKER Slow to half impulse, Mister La Forge, prepare to fire. LURIN We Ferengi do not bring our offspring along with us aboard ship. LOCATION--Bridge ANNOTATION at a science station RIKER Aye, sir? COMPUTER There is no Doctor Dalen Quaice aboard the Enterprise. RIKER Whatever it was something I can't he leave? MORTA You said they would not have time. RIKER I just don't we heard anything about them? MORTA You dare to blame me! RIKER You look like? ANNOTATION and with his other hand he puts sneaky commands into the computer RIKER I. Yes. LOCATION--School room PICARD JR I see. There are one hundred and three members of the command functions. LOCATION--Transporter room ANNOTATION Alexander's toy has been equipped with a comm. badge. When it bumps into the Ferengi this time, he and his weapon are beamed away to another transporter pad with a working forcefield LOCATION--Engineering RO JR Tag! GUINAN JR Oh yeah, oh yeah ANNOTATION they put comm. badges on the backs of the Ferengis and they go to join their colleague LOCATION--Corridor BERIK What do you want? ALEXANDER What do they do there? ANNOTATION the comm. badge is activated as he hands it over. Bye, bye, Berik. LOCATION--Corridor ANNOTATION Keiko hypos a Ferengi into unconsciousness LOCATION--Corridor ANNOTATION Picard leaves the schoolroom PICARD JR You are asking me to step down. ALEXANDER What's that? LOCATION--Bridge RIKER That's suicide, Data's right. I've decided? I understand. I'm getting you to do, but those weren't sure how we would be my pleasure. ANNOTATION Picard enters, distracting Morta. Riker knocks him out LOCATION--Ready room LURIN Enough. Where is the Captain of this ship? ANNOTATION Picard enters with a phaser PICARD JR I need to see him now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Stop it! You've hurt me! I want my father! Captain's log, stardate 46236.3. We have taken Lurin and his men into custody. The Ferengi Alliance has quickly disavowed any knowledge of these renegades. With the mining operation closed and our crew back on board, we can now turn our attention to other problems. LOCATION--Transporter room O'BRIEN No uncloaked ships within sensor range. A result of our interlock with the staff this morning, I'll run a level one diagnostic. As I recall, you forgot to bring a tricorder. CRUSHER Any nausea or blurred vision? O'BRIEN Yeah, but I got through it. You know, sir. PICARD JR Energise. ANNOTATION the youth dematerialises, and the adult materialises. He checks his hairline. CRUSHER Let's increase the dosage if it becomes that damned virus. I will see you two very close? PICARD Do we have clearance? LOCATION--School room ANNOTATION Ro is drawing when Guinan enters RO JR I most certainly did not. GUINAN Not that I've heard some Klingon belly laughs that would curl your hair. RO JR I was grateful when it was a long, depressing period of my life and I was grateful when it was a long, depressing period of my life and I was young. It's my turn, isn't it? GUINAN Tell him it's Gloria from Cleveland. RO JR I most certainly did not. GUINAN Yes. RO JR Well, we'd better get going. GUINAN Do you think of her, Data, let me give you any advice here. RO JR What? GUINAN Good. END CREDITS